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怎样和孩子制定规矩
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给一点小惩罚孩子就明白该怎么做（第1页）

给一点“小惩罚”，孩子就明白该怎么做

史蒂夫的例子可谓司空见惯，被认为是家庭教育中发生频率最高的案例之一。史蒂夫妈妈的解决方式并不会使孩子听从，反而会降低孩子服从的可能性，使情况变本加厉。当孩子不听从命令时，你通常就会重复刚才说的话。而每次重复，孩子都没有听从。反而随着每一次的重复，你的火气却越来越大了。于是就想出吓唬孩子的这一招（“你再不收拾，我将把它们统统扔进垃圾筒！”）。不过孩子知道你只是吓吓他而已，所以孩子不一定会买账。这样，结局不外乎有三种：要么家长以体罚相威胁（或实施体罚）；要么打退堂鼓，“投降”认命了；抑或两者兼用。然而没有一种结果称心如意。

史蒂夫的情况明显就属于这种模式。见史蒂夫迟迟不收起玩具，妈妈就跟他又说了几遍，这样就陷入了第一个循环。随着每一次的重复，妈妈不仅没让孩子乖乖收起玩具，自己反而更生气了。重复得越多，她就越觉得自己拿孩子没办法，而且感觉儿子也越较劲儿，渐渐他们就陷入了第二个循环（“吓唬孩子”）。

当妈妈吓唬孩子说要扔掉玩具时，很明显她是想使出浑身解数让史蒂夫听话。然而，事实证明这也是徒劳的。为什么不管用呢？因为孩子的智力还不能正确估量这个后果对他的影响。或许他还小，不知道玩具价格几许，但他知道这些玩具是家长花钱买的，所以他潜意识里知道家长不会把钱给扔掉，否则，家长会心疼的。况且，孩子也知道，妈妈以前也说过这种话，但却只是说说而已。

结果这一招也没用，妈妈这时已经焦头烂额，于是她就想用“武力”强迫孩子听话。这种方法当然达不到理想的结果，孩子将来也不再拿家长的话当一回事儿，孩子的自尊心也会受到负面影响，他和家长之间的关系也会变得更紧张。

换做是你，你可能会亲自收拾玩具。乍一看，这一招确实不错，因为它不会伤到孩子的自尊心。不过事实上，这也不能让孩子真正学会遵守规矩，也不能对他以后的行为产生积极影响。

那么，如何才能让孩子立刻遵守规矩呢？如果法则1有时不管用，那你也不要着急，你可以使用法则2。

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