第五章 鬣蜥（第1页）
第五章 鬣蜥
我有时在保留地会遇到鬣蜥——一种大蜥蜴，它们趴在河床里平坦的石头上晒太阳。它们的外形并不漂亮，但你想象不到有什么色彩比它们身上的色彩更美丽。就像一大堆宝石在闪光，或是像老教堂窗户上切下的一块窗格。你靠近时它们嗖嗖地爬走，石头上留下一瞬间的蓝、绿、紫变幻，色彩像是它们留在空中的背景，像彗星发光的尾巴。
有一次我射杀了一只鬣蜥。我本以为可以用它的皮肤做些漂亮的东西。紧接着，奇怪的事情发生了，我此生再也不能忘记。我走向他时，他躺在石头上奄奄一息，实际上，就在不到几步的时间里，他的颜色褪去了，变得苍白，所有色彩都在一声长叹中从他身上消散。我摸到他的时候，他已经灰暗得像块混凝土了。放射出光辉的，是流动在这种动物体内的鲜活的血液。既然火焰已经熄灭，灵魂已经飞走，鬣蜥现在就像沙袋一样死气沉沉。
从那以后，我常常记起自己曾在某种意义上杀死过一只鬣蜥，我也一直记得保留地的那只。我还曾在梅鲁见过一个年轻土著女孩戴了一条手环，两英寸宽的皮带上绣满了很小的绿松石珠子，颜色稍有差异，融合了绿色、浅蓝色和绀青。这是一条活的东西，它似乎在她的手臂上呼吸。于是我自己也想要，我让法拉帮我找她买下这条手环。它一碰到我的手臂，马上就断气了。现在什么都不是了，就是一条卑微而廉价的、用钱买来的配饰。它曾是颜色的狂欢，是绿松石和黑皮肤的一曲重奏。土著皮肤那种强烈、甜蜜的褐黑色，像是泥炭和黑陶，是它赋予了手环以生命。
我在南非彼得马里茨堡的动物博物馆里见过同样的色彩组合，那是一具放在陈列橱里填充好的深水鱼标本，这组色彩逃脱了死亡。它让我好奇，在海底，什么样的生命会想要发出这么有活力而梦幻的色彩？在梅鲁，我站在那里看着我苍白的手臂和死掉的手环，就像我对这高贵的东西做了什么不公的事，就像真相被压制。它看起来那么可悲。我想起小时候读过的一本书，里面一个英雄说过这样的话：“我征服了他们所有人，但我站在坟墓中间。”
当身处异乡对待异国物种时，一个人应该想方设法弄清楚，某些东西死掉以后是否仍能保留价值。我对东非的移民者提出建议：“为你自己的眼睛和心着想，不要射杀鬣蜥。”
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